You’re thinking about homeschooling your special needs kid…

…but his specialist says, “No way!”
What do you do?
Updated 5/9/2020:
I originally wrote this post for The Homschool Post (HSBAPost), but that site went offline years ago. This is an important topic for my family, so I've pasted the original post and comments here.

What if my kid’s specialist says, “No, Don’t Homeschool!”?!

May 28, 2014 By Susan Anadale 8 Comments

When our 8-year-old was just a tiny tyke, not even a year old, one of his specialists said homeschooling him would be a mistake.  We were already teaching our oldest (now 14, he was in 2nd grade at the time) at home.

You see, Peter has a very visible, but virtually unheard of, medical condition called Lamellar Ichthyosis.  His skin doesn’t shed in microscopic bits the way yours or mine does, causing him to develop thick, itchy scales on his scalp, his neck, his torso, and other parts of his body.  This leads to physical discomfort and various medical issues, as well as an unusual appearance.

His dermatologist was worried that if he learned at home, we would overprotect him, keep him away from prying eyes, and stunt his ability to cope with the stares and questions of outsiders.

What if he couldn’t learn how to deal with the world as it is?  What if he didn’t develop coping mechanisms for coping with being teased?  Or not being accepted by his peers?

Indeed.  Better to see yourself through the eyes of outsiders who don’t know you instead of the ones who love you early on, right?

I admit it.  I went into Mama Bear mode.

My oldest son, who has no physical difficulties, felt unaccepted at school and this was a large part of the reason we brought him home.  He woke up every morning crying and begging not to go to school.  The school was not meeting his needs academically and he was being bullied.  Endless teacher conferences, both on the phone and in person, had done nothing to solve the situation.  My being present at the school as a volunteer made no difference.

I did not want my younger son to experience that on a daily basis.   I was not going to send  him into the wilds of the schoolyard in the hope that he would learn to cope.

I disagree with the idea that tearing kids down early on will help them grow to be better adults.

I also admit that my personal experience did have a tremendous impact on my view of the situation.   As an adult who was relentlessly bullied at school, right up until 9th grade, I can say that being bullied doesn’t necessarily make you stronger.

It can leave you broken.

But at the same time, I understood the dermatologist’s point-of-view.  She was not the only expert to offer this advice, and I think it stems from a big misconception about homeschoolers.

The average person doesn’t know what you do all day.

It’s true, y’all!  The person on the street who’s never homeschooled, whether they support what you do or think it should be illegal…they don’t get it.  Your Mom doesn’t get it.  If you’re married, your spouse (if he or she is not actively homeschooling) probably doesn’t get it.  Shoot, I didn’t get it until I was doing it.

I’m still getting it.

It is likely that many of them envision your kids sitting in a room at little desks all day with no one but themselves for company and no one but you as an authority.  And I suppose there probably are some homeschools like that.

You and I know that every homeschool is different, though, right?

But the human imagination is limited.  It tends to conjure up derivatives of what it already knows.

You can readily see this when you watch a Sci-Fi flick.  The aliens tend to look like humanoids that have been changed in some way.  Things like flying cars appear for transport, looking remarkably similar to the cars we drive right now.

If you watch an older (say, circa 60s) film, you may see a handheld computer that looks exactly like an iPad—yep, I’m saying that tablets were probably first imagined by movie makers.  Not an original idea at all.

So, when you say you “homeschool,” and what does that conjure up in the minds of those who don’t?

Thoughts of school, I would imagine.  Maybe a room with desks and 30 minutes of recess.

They may not know that you eat lunch at the park when the weather is fine.  That the kids know all the librarians by name (at 2 or 3 different libraries) and easily ask them for help finding the book they are looking for.

Maybe you spend more of your day out of the house than in?

Maybe the idea of sitting still at a desk all day is as foreign to your kids as bell bottoms?

Maybe people don’t realize that your special kid is learning to cope with stares and difficult questions from strangers, but on his own terms.

It’s easier to learn to swim a bit at a time, rather than to be thrown into water over your head all at once and sink.

My son has grown so much in his social skills and his awareness of self.  There was a time when he didn’t want to be around other people.  Now he plays on the playground, participates in Cub Scouts, goes to club activities at our local homeschool group…all on his own terms.

We haven’t hidden him away from the world.  We’ve challenged him.  We’ve nurtured him.  We’ve accepted him, just as he is.

Is school necessarily bad for kids with special medical needs?

Nope—every situation is unique.  Schools vary so widely from place to place and a child’s specific needs will also vary widely.  In our particular situation, the school options were limited and not ideal for our child’s needs.  The schools were not able to offer him things he needed that we could offer him at home.

I want to reassure parents that if their child’s specialists are recommending school, that advice may be based upon some misconceptions about homeschooling.  You know your child best.  If, after researching the available options, you find that teaching your child at home will best meet his needs—go for it!

You can give him the support he needs without stifling his growth.

May is Ichthyosis Awareness Month!

Peter’s condition is very rare and often misunderstood.  It affects him not only physically, but psychologically due to the way it is perceived by the public.  I invite you to find out more about Peter’s personal journey with Lamellar Ichthysosis here.

Do you homeschool a kid with special medical needs?  Did your child’s specialists support that decision?

~Susan

May is Ichthyosis Awareness Month!
For those of you who don’t know, our son Peter (age 8) was born with a  rare, genetic skin disorder called Lamellar Ichthyosis.  Learn about Peter’s life with this often misunderst00d (and even never heard of) condition here.
If you have a child with special needs, you know it affects the whole family and your perception of your other children.  Last May I hosted a special event in honor of Ichthyosis Awareness that was aimed at celebrating all of our children:  Release the Butterflies.  

What are you doing with your butterflies this summer?