I feel like a nesting doll. Peeling off a layer to reveal yet another layer that still doesn’t even touch the core of myself. My perspective on life, the universe, and everything has changed a lot in the past few days.
Nothing Earth-Shattering has happened. It doesn’t have to take destruction or heartache to gain a new view of your life. Sometimes it’s the small things, like clearing a cluttered shelf of long forgotten stuff you’ve been carrying around for who knows how long because you’ve forgotten why.
Clearing the wool out of my head and the cobwebs out of my soul, taking a step into the sunlight on a sweltering day, squinting into the cloudless sky and thinking, “Enough.” This is what it comes to when there are too many things that you do because, well, you do them thinking you have to.
Yeah, I know, I’m being all cryptic. The point really is that it doesn’t matter what I thought I had to do…we all have things that we do because we think we have to. Things that we feel trapped by.
We do them out of the sense of obligation. Being more than a teeny bit obsessive myself, I tend to throw myself into them a bit too far, perhaps. Ok, not perhaps. Definitely.
I even use these obligations as an excuse to not do many of the things I really want to (or need) to do.
Then there are also the things that I put off. And put off. Because they just don’t seem important enough to stop this fast moving world over. And yet, I think that sometimes those are the things I’m going to regret not ever getting to.
The other day, I painted my toenails an electrifying blue. One might argue that it’s a vain, silly thing to do. There are other more important ways to spend my time or even the couple of bucks I spent on the nail polish.
Perhaps. But why not sparkle a bit?
I’m turning my priorities upside down. Lately I’ve felt put upon in more ways than one by various things going on that seemed to be beyond my control, but I’ve come to realize that it’s my own fault. And honestly, age has something to do with it. I woke up one morning realized that there was no real reason for some of the things I was agonizing over.
Hey, if it’s not life or death, it’s not really worth agonizing over, right?
When I agonize over decisions, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders because I honestly believe (big confession here) that I’m in control.
That’s an illusion. No matter how careful I am in my decisions and actions, the world ultimately is not within my control. I don’t know the future and I can’t change the past.
So, I’m going to lighten up some and enjoy the ride. Sparkle a bit.
How about you?